No Pants Required: A Style Guide for The Hip and Lazy
by juli boggs
I’ll admit I’ve let some things go over the years. I’m still a gym junkie, yes, but when it comes to personal style, black jeans and ankle boots are about as hip as I get. There’s so much going on in the world, how can I find time to worry about my wardrobe? That said, I did put aside some time this new year to do the thinking for those of you who feel similarly burdened. What resulted is a short list of items combining flexibility with powerful statements in what are otherwise hugely un-versatile pieces. Read on to see my 2015 Winter/Unemployment style guide as run in the SN&R’s recent Guide to Vice and Laziness.
When you find yourself facing the mirror with several wool scarfs wrapped around your head and a neon ski jacket flapping open over your long since un-funny Christmas sweater, the essential winter fashion question looms heavily: Yes, I am warm, but is this cool? Of course, you can always play it safe, but even well-trod styles hold some risk. The black pea coat, while classic, speaks volumes about our inability to stray from strict fashion norms and thus our creative ineptitude in everything in life. Likewise, leggings under knee-length dresses promise only the inevitability that your dress will end up tucked into the waistband in the back just when you thought everyone was laughing at your jokes. Clearly, the perils are many when striking out into the world of fashion, but SN&R has a few suggestions to get you on your way to bold statements that sacrifice only a fraction of your dignity.
Betabrand Dress Pants Sweatpants combine the questionable luxury of sweatpants with the pretend formality of dress pants so that you can maintain your slacker lifestyle in public and not fool anybody. Whether you’re taking bong rips in bed or getting ready for a conference-room Powerpoint presentation, you can rest (or work) assured that you do not need to change your pants. Styling tip: pair with tuxedo t-shirt.
Because high heeled shoes are uncomfortable and Crocs aren’t really shoes, the Women’s Cap Toe Wedge by Crocs shouldn’t even be possible, but there they are, glimmering like fashion-forward, office-appropriate moon boots. The winter corollary to the very poorly thought out “high heel flip flop,” these probably feel like walking in 10% Earth gravity or on a trampoline or like the ground is made of unstable sponge cake. Brilliant, dangerous, or dangerously brilliant?
A SAZAC kigurumi animal suit (also searchable by “hot unisex adult onesie”) is the Japanese cross between the furry fan’s fursuit and a Snuggie®. Half footsie pajama, half lifestyle declaration, the kigurumi is limited only by your willingness to wear it in public. Typically available in any animal character real or imagined, a kigurumi suit goes effortlessly from weird-whatever-you-do-at-home to is-this-some-kind-of-joke at your favorite restaurant or bar. Recommend to buy in bulk for all your friends.
After a hard day of drinking, or whatever it is you do to get yourself through the long dark winter, passing out comfortably literally anywhere is a key priority. That’s why I’m super excited about these wearable Marvel Adult Sleeping Bags by Selk’bag USA, Inc. complete with zip-removable booties and insulated hood with draft protection to protect against rainfall. With a variety of super hero options to pick from, you can sleep soundly knowing that no one is going to fuck with a passed out individual in a Captain America body-shaped bag. Real buyer comment from site: “I settled on Incredible Hulk but would have been pretty happy with any of the styles.”